Trains are my friend, unless fate decides to halt the trains, through landslides, fire and flood and then in that case, I get worried sick. I had to get a train to London last week; firstly I was heading to Tom Parker Bowles book launch for his stunning “recipes from my kitchen notebook” ‘Let’s Eat’. The good news is the train did get there and on the way I managed to tune into a relationship between a guy called Tim and woman called Freya and I basically tweeted the whole conversation, I imagine I broke the laws of privacy but it was fun and you can check it out on twitter under JaneyGodley #traintales.

 

I finally made it to the book launch, it was on the roof of Selfridges which was an absolute puzzle to find from inside the store, I kept walking in circles through the perfume counter and banging into women trowelling on makeup and irate customers pushing each other about . None of the sharply dressed staff seemed to know which lift took you up to the roof garden and the ones that did know this were busy talking on phones. Eventually I made it up there and you need to know there is a mini golf course on the roof of Selfridges & the champagne flows. Incidentally Tom’s book is awesome; I passed it to my daughter Ashley as my cooking skills don’t go beyond toast and corned beef.

 

London was roasting hot; I wasn’t prepared for the searing heat and pulled on a tee shirt as I went down for breakfast in the Groucho club. Unfortunately what I chose to wear was a black fitted tee shirt and dark trousers so almost every guest there asked me for coffee and brown toast and was totally perturbed when I sat down and ignored them.

 

Finally I turned around bounded up all the stairs and pulled on something that didn’t make me look like staff and then headed back down for a peaceful breakfast.

 

That day of sunshine brought the launch of Pleasance Ahoy which is a barge boat that will leave London and head to Edinburgh doing pop up comedy gigs on the way. The sun beat down relentlessly luckily I had a wee bottle of factor 30 in my bag as we Scots melt or explode in the heat. I ended up dabbing cream on various dubious comics as the champagne flowed (yet again). I will be on board Pleasance Ahoy as the comedy boat leaves Manchester and heads for Edinburgh at start of August.

 

The Thursday night was a great chance to see my new pal Stephen Mangan in the new play ‘Birthday’ at the Royal Court in Sloane Square. It is about a man who gives birth as the exasperated wife gets to watch, it all sounds a bit New World fantasy which isn’t my bag, but it isn’t, the humour is great and the fast paced script does stop you thinking too much about the ‘ins and outs’ of the premise and what better to see than Stephen Mangan getting a finger up his ass?

 

All events done I got prepared to head home to Glasgow on the Friday morning only to be told a flood and landslide that hit Carlisle made me think “am not getting home am I” which is selfish and stupid as people may have died and folk have floods, but all you can think about is...My LIFE! 

 

I got over myself and sat on the train and waited patiently to see what the day brought and luckily we got home without incident BUT on arrival at Glasgow Central there were over 1000 people queuing to get on trains back down south as the delays had caused such a back log. Poor kids on their first day of summer holidays all waiting for trains...my heart went out to them as the line went all the way down the street and the police were called to contain the crowd.

 

Imagine the chaos for the people on the borders who had their homes actually flooded out?

 

Meanwhile in the UK Barclays bank & a few others got caught being utter fuck wits who fiddled the basic rate for mortgages and lending, there is a more technical way of describing this, but the bottom line is they just LIED and as usual didn’t get jailed and set THEMSELVES a punishment! The country is screwed and the bankers get to laugh at us all as they set their own rules like a giant game of monopoly where they get to cheat and we get to pay.

 

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @janeygodley for updates.

 

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