I gently told a Mainland Chinese friend 'allergic' to tidiness & manners, yet desperate to marry:
Genuine determination to passionately understand, endure, self-improve, in singleness...so as
to be a marvelous, stabilizing; complementary influence, rather than liability. Determination
to make growing together more fulfilling and vibrant, rather than needlessly tumultuous or
painful. Clinging to “be yourself” mantras despite self-destructive qualities is INSANITY.
Not love. Those who love you in deed will always attempt to make your life easier or
even step aside however reluctantly, if you believe someone else is better. I know
I have. Contrary to popular belief, true love has nothing to do with the clamor
or neediness of intimacy. All those things, including, so-called “soulmates”
come and go. What matters, is what remains standing. And ultimately,
effort—not possessiveness, jealousy; drama—is gracefully unveiled
as true love. The below fuses biblical definitions of love from 1
Corinthians 13, —using J.B. Phillips, Chinese Bible/圣经 NCV
(Simplified), English Revised, American Standard as well
as Weymouth New Testament, King James Bible, plus
spiritual interpretation from Mary Baker Eddy, the
Discoverer & Founder of Christian Science. The
special on strategic alliances and marriages,
accessible, via the dove. Feature message
experienced Mainland China's culture
as a principled mature man always
under pressure to marry women,
who not only aren't SINGLE but
importantly, demonstrate no
interest in improving them
-selves—adults with baby
minds really—as I did,
over a decade, then
TD Jakes' message
your kid or
Love inspires, illumines, designates, and leads the way. Right motives give pinions to thought, and strength and freedom to speech and action. Love is priestess at the altar of Truth.
In this life we have three great lasting qualities - Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of them is Love. 现在常存的有信、望、爱这三样，其中最大的是爱。
This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience - it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒，不自夸，不张狂...
Love has good manners...does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil. It is not touchy. Finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails. 不作失礼的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易动怒，不计较人的过犯；不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理。
Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things...it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen. Love never ends[or fails]. 爱是凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。爱是永存不息的。
If I speak with the eloquence of men and of angels, but have no love, I become no more than blaring brass or crashing cymbal. If I have the gift of foretelling the future and hold in my mind not only all human knowledge but the very secrets of God, and if I also have that absolute faith which can move mountains, but have no love, I amount to nothing at all. If I dispose of all that I possess, yes, even if I give my own body to be burned, but have no love, I achieve precisely nothing. 信望爱中最大的是爱。我若有先知讲道的恩赐，也明白各样的奥秘，各样的知识；并且有全备的信，叫我能够移山，却没有爱，我就算不得什么。我若把一切所有的分给人，又舍己身被人焚烧，却没有爱，对我仍然毫无益处。
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man [or woman], I put away childish things...Now that I am a man...[or woman] I have put away childish things. 我作孩子的时候，说话像孩子，心思像孩子，想法像孩子，既然长大了，就把孩子的事都丢弃了。
Beauty, wealth, or fame is incompetent to meet the demands of the affections, and should never weigh against the better claims of intellect, goodness, and virtue.
Happiness is spiritual, born of Truth and Love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all [humankind] to share it.
Unselfish ambition, noble life-motives, and purity, — these constituents of thought, mingling, constitute individually and collectively true happiness, strength, and permanence.
The beautiful in character is also the good, welding indissolubly the links of affection.
Ill-arranged notes produce discord. Tones of the human mind may be different, but they should be concordant in order to blend properly. [In other words: values/relationship views must match].
Both sexes should be loving, pure, tender, and strong. The attraction between native qualities will be perpetual only as it is pure and true, bringing sweet seasons of renewal like the returning spring.
Marriage should improve the human species, becoming a barrier against vice, a protection to woman, strength to man, and a centre for the affections. This, however, in a majority of cases, is not its present tendency, and why? Because the education of the higher nature is neglected, and other considerations, — passion, frivolous amusements, personal adornment, display, and pride, — occupy thought.
Human affection is not poured forth vainly, even though it meet no return. [Spiritual/pure] Love enriches the nature, enlarging, purifying, and elevating it.
Trials teach mortals not to lean on a material staff, — a broken reed, which pierces the heart. We do not half remember this in the sunshine of joy and prosperity. Sorrow is salutary. Through great tribulation we enter the kingdom. Trials are proofs of God's care. Spiritual development germinates not from seed sown in the soil of material hopes, but when these decay, Love propagates anew the higher joys of Spirit, which have no taint of earth. Each successive stage of experience unfolds new views of divine goodness and love.
Love is enthroned...God is Love. Can we ask Him to be more?