"Good morning ladies and gentlemen" the train stopped cold. Were we in New York? "Have a blessed day" What?? How dare she? Was she being Ironic? One complete and completely understandable sentence " The Next stop is Lexington Ave. 59th Street" Was she a recording? And I wasn't the only one. Every person in those two or three cars must have been thinking the same. At least the people around me were shocked. Suddenly I couldn't drink my coffee anymore. I had gotten sick. I was fed up with her niceness. Niceness was not something I had become used to, especially not at 9 in the morning. Shuffle and push, "That's my seat you fucking bitch!" "But I am 90 and I have a cane" "Not my fucking problem." That was to some extent a typical New York morning. Suddenly I realized that being nice had become obsolete. I started paying attention to how armed and ready I was for people. I have the answers and curse names at the tip of my tongue, " Fuck you, you crusty cunt" , I said that when some lady knocked my i-pod to the ground because she wanted to get into the subway before I had gotten a chance to leave the car. "Can I help you?, sorry we don't have that, NEXT!" So much attitude and suddenly it becomes the norm. It's like we forget the basics and just go into aggressive instinct mode all the time. "Don't fuck with me fellas!" That's the right attitude. Don't fuck with me. Don't you dare say good morning and expect nothing back. Don't you dare stand up and give me your seat, are you calling me old? Thank you? I'll show you gratitude motherfucker.
Perhaps, if we were to take it down one notch we'd, I don't know, feel a bit better. Wouldn't wake 20 times up before the alarm actually goes off. Wouldn't ignore possible friendships with other people next to us. Would feel good over something that doesn't involve BUYING. Maybe the apartments in new york would be made a bit bigger from now on, you know, so we could fit all of our new friends. Cliche? YES. Vomit worthy? Yes. How are you and I different from how I felt on the train?
Perhaps everything isn't always fake. Sometimes there is a genuine act of kindness behindactions. I couldn't fall in love for the longest time because everything about love was always so fake to me. If someone said "I love you" I would hail the next cab and never return the call. I couldn't stop criticizing everything about everyone that wasn't just plain rude. Sounds fucked up. And it IS. Just pay attention. You'll see what I am talking about.