▼Anxiety, Depression & Stress (Resource Series 8)▼
If you're here because you genuinely seek help on overcoming mental weakness, I acknowledge you.
I realize how big this problem is for a lot of people, hence the ubiquitous hyperlinks. And you may contact me here to arrange private consultation, if, as expected, this article doesn't go far enough. In fact it doesn't, because it's an issue that can't be oversimplified. Hence the special feature audio.
Recently helping someone with prayer phobia who wanted me to write some prayers for her to use in her Prayer Group forced me to come to terms with mental weakness as the silent cancer it is. I didn't.
Instead, we worked on the source of the fear until we resolved that 'The Lord's Prayer' was and IS enough under all circumstances. And that one is in the wrong group, church, religion or prayer line if they're led to believe their self-worth and/or relationship with God is based solely on how “well” or sensationally they pray compared to others. Because life is not a performance, albeit sadly, those who never get that powerful memo go through life mentally enslaved. Frustrated, empty, morally bankrupt, weak; tragically resorting to suicide or self-destructive choices.
You see, at the heart of mental weakness is Indecision and Decisiveness, Courage and Willpower. And about the third, the late Dr. Myles Munroe often rightly said: “The most powerful force on earth is the will of man.” And to prove that, I submit to you that for every injustice — contemporary or historical — you can name, I can point to the crucial role of willpower. The same principle applies to change or failure in life.
The weakest people on earth aren't the thin, diminutive, the poor, jobless, the hungry; those who don't excercise, or the superficially unsuccessful. The weakest people on earth are those — sometimes leaders or managers; even pet owners — who lack the willpower to decisively tackle whatever it is accountability demands. People so weak-minded their default is pleasing everyone at all costs.
But why pet owners? Relax. Take a deep breath. Don't get defensive! It's not just pet owners.
Some of the most mentally weak people I've observed and studied for years from America to Asia and Europe not only hate confrontation but also like, keep, are mentally enslaved to, and depend on pets. In case of pet owners — and this is also true of aggressive drivers prone to road rage, and often smitten by externals (posh cars, status symbols, etc.) — overly confrontational attitude IS the mental weakness. And what I'm doing here is giving you different angles from which to tackle the problem.
It's also OK to be offended, if you are a pet owner. I grew up with five dogs myself. Except I practiced the “Calm, Assertive” philosophy of the famed Dog Whisperer long before I heard of him. And the idea for the article originated from an epiphany I had about escaping a weaker past I call Loserville.
A past you may be familiar with, where reality is airbrushed, vehemently denied; avoided. Where the people trying to empower or help are instead deemed “threatening” or “annoying”.
Loserville (see the video above) has nothing to do with broke, rich or social class but a place of weakness and insecurity. A place where rigid over-attached people lose and/or lack the ability to think clearly and make good judgment calls. And sooner or later, ethics go out the window, replaced by a polluted inner scorecard.
From bad friends or roommates to average, lazy, irresponsible or unmotivated people casually going from one bad choice or move to another, Loserville is also WHERE people WHO don't get it, live.
It is where people who don't know with absolute conviction their WHY, WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE and HOW, live. Where people whose minds are filled with junk, are on the wrong track, mentally weak; too rigid; continuously embracing a poor work ethic and therefore rarely prepared to seize or steadily maximize life's great opportunities, live. Stranded, knowingly or unknowingly, on a grim mental island where they withdraw onto, and breakdown, as life gets tough and all hope appears lost.
Even Heavyweight legend Mike Tyson once lived there. But you don't have to. Learn from, and be inspired by Bishop T.D. Jakes (the voice you're hearing in this blog)!
Don't EVER allow yourself to be defeated by your own mind's limitations, let alone others!
I first understood the importance and power of good mental conditioning, mental fortitude or mental toughness (take your pick) after wasting thousands of dollars on a training program I hadn't thought through.
I was coming out of a very traumatic life experience thinking I had overcome the associated depression. Signed up in a foreign country for a rigorous certification program usually pursued by poorly educated low income people as a 'key out' of their limited career options. Personally, I was doing it for the passion, curiosity and therapeutic effects, plus the opportunity to help others.
I was still in Loserville personally. But not knowing that, I'd signed up with other Loserville residents fiercely intimidated by the success of others. The backstabbing and toxicity was brutal. But the cost of such a bad move taught me How To Set Yourself Up To Succeed the right way.Your physical address isn't as important as your mental address. After all, your physical address isn't supposed to be permanent. What matters is understanding that your life story reads better as you position yourself for the right moves at the right time, with the right mindset 24/7.
This is why Loserville is a mindset before anything else. It is failing to know yourself, acknowledge AND deal with your demons. Plus the impact of your surroundings on the future you want.
There's nothing wrong with grinding and hustling. But as the saying goes: “Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.” This is why some of the most gifted athletes and celebrities are the most self-destructive. The same reason I personally know immigrants who made it America, only to self-destructively get themselves ejected.
One was tricked by the selfsame guardian who brought them to the U.S. into returning with no possibility to return to the States, after years of trouble. The other took the option of deportation rather than park their ego, leave Loserville, and live within the law. However, unjust.
Those who make the mental shift from Loserville know how not to be a xenophobe or bigot in practice. And what it takes to be an upstanding citizen with impeccable work ethic. After all, we're all immigrants.
Loserville by contrast, is where the conniving TED Talks, Podcasts, Dr. Phil mockers; self development, motivational and inspirational content haters live.
They mock and disrespect the very things that makes one so attractive, they don't have to sell their soul, body or dignity for a living or respect. Such as Dr. Phil's 10 Life Laws (images hyperlinked).
They know nothing about what “Always create before you consume” means in practice. Only how to stay the same for years on end, go online, hang out in the hood, experiment with and do recreational or hard drugs and liquor from clubs to parties, or simply lazy around endlessly, playing with their smartphones, preoccupied with Facebook/Twitter timelines, Snapchat, Instagram, what TMZ or WorldStarHipHop said; and passing judgment on others' work or personal lives.
Loserville is where the same egotistical, “Let's” posse and gang — let's go do this, let's go here or there...even though there's nothing legal or entrepreneurial about it — live. And because I'm from New York City, I know for a fact that many think they're grindin' and hustlin' when in fact, they're stuck in Loserville because of their mindset.
Loserville is a mindset of living in pieces rather in peace. Not focused, content and productive. And like a virus, infecting those around.
Loserville is a place of mannequins. Where more focused 8, 10 or 15-year-olds have better moves and are mentally stronger. (images hyperlinked).
Loserville is a place of dysfunction, of endlessly reactive toxicity, self-righteousness and irresponsibility. A place for where one couldn't possibly name any of the 3 Rules Highly Effective People Live By. Where productivity is confused with drama. And WHY, WHO, WHAT, WHEN and HOW priorities are dislocated.
So, WHAT is your WHY for grinding? For WHAT cause do you insist on hustling? Do you even know the difference between the two? Julian Mitchell couldn't have put it better:
Hustlers make the right moves and master positioning, while someone WHO is a grinder always searches for moves, seeking to master WHERE they’ve forcefully been positioned.
Someone WHO is a grinder can work tirelessly and see no return. Their sense of fulfillment is found in the chaos of moving at a fast pace, juggling multiple tasks, or simply being busy. However, someone WHO is a hustler makes sure every effort reaps a valuable return on investment.
Grinders desperately seek opportunity. If a slot opens, they step in without hesitation for the purposing of proving their worth to others. Hustlers put effort into existing opportunities to build on their vision and create additional opportunities with the value they already know they have.
Hustlers are not haters. A hustler respects the process and knows WHAT it really takes to achieve the seemingly impossible, while grinders often hate because they don’t understand HOW to similarly master the game.
No. It wasn't the time I read that, “Mike Tyson was having so much sex with female prison visitors and a prison drug counselor during his three year prison stint in the '90s, that he was too tired to even go to the gym and work out.”
It wasn't the time I read that, “He told second wife he had AIDS before she filed for divorce - he does NOT have HIV or AIDS.”
It wasn't the time I read that, “He had bloated up to 380lbs, binge drink, smoke and snort his way through strip clubs and bars.”
No. It wasn't the time I read that his nemesis, “Evander Holyfield was a serial head butter with ties to steroids.” No, no, no.
Rather — and you can search the exact quote yourself — it was the time he stated his WHY for wanting to get out of jail.
As I recall, from his own mouth, it was something to the effect of, “I want to get out of jail so people can see me fight.”
We all know HOW that turned out.
In fact, I wasn't even looking for the quoted article above. I don't go there. But WHAT jumped out at me was: That's the problem with the grind and/or hustle of a lot of people.
These are the same people likely to waste time railing about Boxers from generations long gone. MMA/UFC fighters and contemporary Boxers WHO couldn't teach them the first thing about HOW to get out of harm's way, —like the defensive genius right above. HOW to be phenomenally successful. HOW to out-think rivals trying to cheat an already rigged system as they work(ed) their way to the top. Not just in combat sports, but conversely, in both financial investment and personal investment. Yet:
There are critical qualities that can’t be taught that every entrepreneur must master to realize a massive vision. [AKA, leverage]
During a business consulting trip, one of my several new mentees, an athletic five-star hotel employee and previous boxer — one of 4 for whom I created an 8GB flash drive full of self development media — revealed to me everything I needed to know about WHAT was wrong with his hustle. Simply by telling me WHO inspired him, as a Boxer.
We won't get into the specifics. But 2016 is a great year to thoroughly reassess the STATE of your hustle. And the STATE of your grind.
Make sure you seek advisement from mentors WHO are also hustlers that can teach you proper planning, positioning and WHAT moves are really worth making. The best leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders.
The very fact that I'm publishing this means that I am, and do feel convicted by the same imperative. Because mine isn't perfect either. But as Billionaire Businessman Anil Ambani said: “Concentration can be cultivated. One can learn to exercise will power, discipline one's body and train one's mind.”
Generally speaking, people WHO appreciate my Blog don't watch TV, or have time for (video) gaming, clubbing, spending countless minutes or hours on long distance calls that aren't entrepreneurial in nature; about making a difference; or go-nowhere crowds and trivia. Nor do they have a Social Media presence without clearly defined purpose.
Their WHY for hustling and grinding isn't necessarily about private jets, yachts, penthouses, big mansions Bugattis, BMWs, bling bling or other bragging cred, either. As Bill Gates has said, being a billionaire is “overrated”.
Graduate from the grind and continue to refine your hustle. That is the difference between an internship and equity – peaking as a boss and evolving into an owner.
WHAT matters is building the inner mental muscle to overcome any HOW. Because without that, success will always be fleeting. And you'll always default to “broke”/financially dependent, or out of business. WHY?
Because your competition — don't be naïve, I'm not talking about the competition you can see — is more hungry, more determined, ruthless and more relentless. Which is WHY being phenomenal is less about obsessing about them, and all about out-working, out-preparing, out-thinking, out-smarting, out-delivering and out-amazing them. AKA, achieving strategic pre-eminence. So, leave Loserville. And like Mayweather who transcended brittle hands and family dysfunction to greatness, believe.
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