In my constant search for an artistic signature I have found that it is more fun to not have one. Seriously, in school they expect you to develop a certain style that will make your art recognizable to the eyes of others. Does every artist go through this phase? Because every time i think I found a specific style I like to create work in, I inevitably look for ways to create around it. As if I were setting game rules and I know that I'll always cheat. Why must we constantly be annoyed with who we are and what we do? I surely don't know who I am. Sometimes I find myself doing stuff and I watch in awe and my thoughts read "WTF?"
I have been trying to get into one school for the past 2 years that I feel will provide me with the kind of education I want. However, the school is a tough cookie to get into. And everyone who has advised me in the past two years has advised me to become someone else in order to seem like a good candidate. I must say that as I go in for interviews and portfolio reviews the kids around me are quite eccentric. The last time I had my work butchered I thought I saw Andy Warhol.
So, I set out on trying to make work to please the school and to incorporate this new me. Result, I make some fucked up shit. I am never pleased with what I make and I don't feel I am growing as person/ artist. I cannot do the skinny girl jeans and ray ban sun glasses. My legs are too weird and my face too thin for me to pull shit like that off. I am not crazy or have some charming disorder that accentuates the artist in me. I am just normal. I am creative, but normal. Is that wrong? and I let go of the skinny jeans when in a group of new friends with accentuated crotches (hehehe) I asked them what kind of art they made/were interested in. To my surprise, none of them were artists. accounting, psychology, and literature students. Had I come across posers? Or did they just like having their balls neglected?
Right then, I realized I was the biggest poser of them all. I did not care about the jeans, and cared too much not to care.
Now, I call for randomness. I want an absolutely random style. No work alike. I want to be who I am and make whatever the fuck I want. If I feel like making cardboard flowers from paper cups, let me be. I am not going down the pleasing lane. Because as I found out, being myself sometimes isn't pleasant to others or not enough.
I want random.